She studied hard and got a 90 on her test. You’re delighted and you want to praise your child for good behavior.
But think carefully before you speak. Some kinds of praise may actually make your child feel she can’t live up to what you’ve said.
Sometimes, parents overdo it. They say, “You’re a genius” to a child who got one good grade. That’s bound to make her nervous. “I’m no genius,” she may think. “Paul’s the genius. He got an A without even studying.”
Instead, try describing your child’s positive behavior. “You studied hard for that test,” you can say. After your child hears her accomplishments praised, she will praise herself. “I can do well in math if I work at it.”
It’s much easier to toss off a quick comment like “You’re great.” It’s harder to look carefully at what your child did and then put it into words. Once she begins to think of herself as a hard worker (or an honest person, or a person who writes funny letters), she will continue that behavior in the future.
Reprinted with permission from the April 2007 issue of Parents make the difference!® (Elementary School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2007 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Can Learn, ISBN: 0-684-82472-8 (Scribner Paperbacks, published by Simon & Schuster, 1-800-223-2336, www.simonsays.com).