Parenting is always a balancing act between letting go and setting limits. Here’s a great way to think about how to set limits. It’s called “The V of Love.”
Draw a large letter V on a piece of paper. The sides of the V represent the parent’s firm limits. Outside those lines, the child has no choices—the parent’s rule goes. But inside the lines, the child can make decisions and live with the consequences.
As your child gets older, you can give her more freedom. For example, when she was a toddler, she could choose between the red or yellow shirt. As a preschooler, she could choose to eat a banana or an apple.
Now that she’s in elementary school, her choices should expand. She should decide if she joins the swim team or soccer team. And she needs to live with the choice she makes. She can decide whether to do her math homework first or her reading (but she has to finish both).
The older your child gets, the more control she should have. Gradually, she’ll be ready for adult life—ready to make responsible choices and live with the consequences.
Some parents work the other way. They give young children too many choices. They treat their kids like little adults. These parents soon have a child who’s out of control. Then the parent clamps down. The child is unhappy and rebels, so the parent clamps down even more.
So, think about “The V of Love” when you’re setting limits.
Reprinted with permission from the April 2008 issue of Parents make the difference!® (Elementary School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2008 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Foster Cline and Jim Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic, ISBN: 0-89109-311-7 (Piñon Press, 1-800-366-7788, www.navpress.com).