Building Character

Help your child get over the agony of defeat

Playing sports or games gives your child another way to succeed. But succeeding doesn’t mean winning every time.

If your child stomps off after a lost soccer game or pouts when she loses a game of checkers, she’s displaying poor sportsmanship. This can lead to other social problems, including difficulty making and keeping friends.

If your child’s a poor loser, here’s how to help:

• Understand your child’s feelings. She probably worries about what others think of her when she loses. She may feel that winning equals being liked. Tell your child you love and value her whether she wins or loses.
• Help your child set realistic goals for improving her skills. Celebrate when she does well passing the ball, regardless of whether her team won or lost.
• Praise your child’s effort and growing skills. Stress her progress—what she’s learned and what she can now do that she couldn’t before.
• Explain that playing sports is not all about winning. It’s fun! Remind her of the good times she’s had and friends she’s made.
• Play a game with your child that she can win. When she wins, model the words and behavior of a good loser.
• Don’t let your child win all the time when you play with her. That will lead to unrealistic expectations, disappointment and frustration when she plays with friends.
• Watch the messages you send your child. Even asking, “Did you do your best?” can upset her. She doesn’t want to disappoint you. Assume she did her best.

Reprinted with permission from the November 2006 issue of Parents make the difference!® (Elementary School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Lawrence Kutner, Your School-Age Child, ISBN: 0-688-10217-4 (William Morrow and Company, 1-800-843-9389, www.harpercollins.com/imprints.asp?imprint=William%20Morrow).