Building Responsibility

Try using logical consequences to teach your child

It’s 9:00 a.m. when the phone rings. “I forgot my lunch,” your fifth grader says. What do you do?

If it’s the only time she’s ever left her lunch at home, and if you know she has a big test that afternoon, you might take the lunch to school. But what if this is the second time this week?

You might try using logical consequences. Allow your child to learn from her mistakes. Stay calm and don’t lose your temper. But don’t take the lunch to school, either. “Honey, I told you that if you left your lunch again, I would not bring it to you. I’m sorry, but I can’t do it today.”

This statement works because it is:

• Related to what your child did. If she forgets her lunch, she may have to be hungry for a day.
• Respectful. You didn’t tell your child she was an idiot. You didn’t yell at her. You simply told her that you were not able to bail her out this time.
• Reasonable. Denying a child lunch for a week would not be reasonable. Letting her miss lunch for one day is. Have a healthy snack waiting when she walks in the door.

Logical consequences help your child manage her behavior. Otherwise, you may find yourself driving her lunch to her college dorm or her office!

Reprinted with permission from the October 2006 issue of Parents make the difference!® (Elementary School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: H. Stephen Glenn and Jane Nelsen, Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World, ISBN: 0-914-62992-1 (Prima Publishing, a division of Random House, 1-800-733-3000, www.randomhouse.com/index.pperl).